I was wrong…I am LOVED!

Life here on Earth is hard.  Things don’t always go our way.  I haven’t written in awhile because life got messy and difficult.  I live about 3 hours away from my wife.  We bought a house for our new family over the summer and I was hoping to be living with her once we were married back in September.  However, life had other plans.  My ex-husband and I had moved 3 hours away just over three years ago.  He had taken a temporary position that was to last 3 years.  I stayed in that area even though I wanted to move back so that our children could be close to both of us.  I figured that the 3 years would fly by and then we would all move back.  I was wrong.

He decided that he wanted to take advantage of a 2 year extension that was available before moving back.  Well, I decided that was not ideal but okay.  I would just move back with our boys, continue to homeschool and just drive them back on Thursdays, our regular scheduled day to switch.  The drive would be long but we could utilize audio and regular books to further their studies.  Except for minor changes, everything could stay the same.  Again, it wasn’t ideal but I thought we could make it work for the 2 years until he would move back to the same area.  I was wrong.

I had a looming court date when I found out that he was talking to them about going to public school.  The kids were assigned a guardian ad litem, a lawyer for them.  He was a super nice guy and had a difficult decision to make.  A settlement meeting was set up for the week before the court date.  I made a beautiful chart showing how keeping the visitation schedule the same with some minor adjustments would allow for equal time with both of us, outside of school time.  I thought everyone would see how reasonable it was.  I was wrong.

I left that meeting in tears because the boys had told their lawyer that they wanted to go to public school and they wanted to go in the area where their dad lived.  I felt like I was losing my children.  I felt like God had played one on me.  I now had to stay if I wanted to be close to my children.  I thought if I did things in a nice way that I would get what I wanted, which was just to be with my wife and to have my children nearby.  I was wrong.

My ex and I talked together and came up with a plan of us each having them for a week at a time.  They would attend school near him so I would stay with my mom and drive them back and forth on my weeks. The kids agreed that this was what they wanted.  A week is a long time to go when you have been a stay at home and then a homeschool mom for so long.  I was in despair.  I tried to put on a happy face and think of the advantages for them but oh my heart cried at what I was losing and what they were losing.  My world was thrown upside down.  For a time I thought I would never accept it.  I was wrong.

God is always speaking to me, if I listen.  I received a message from a stranger a few days ago.  He told me that I am loved just as I am.  He also told me that I need to let go and accept that I am loved.  I have received this message before but in light of what was going on I had lost it.  I had a nagging thought that if God really loved me, I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this.  I was wrong.  It is hard to accept changes in life, especially when they don’t line up with our plans.  I am learning.  In some ways, I am excited to see what new things come out of these changes now.

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down.  How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” – Rumi



One thought on “I was wrong…I am LOVED!

  1. Yikes and Ouch….I’m so sorry it’s still an uphill battle. Keep that chin up, Girl! You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for!


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